The Avenue Of No Justice, No Peace

So………

Once again with have the scourge of police brutality and racism raise it’s extremely ugly head…AGAIN!!!!

With the death of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer, once again the outrage and outcry has begun.  The firing of the four police officers involved is not enough.  With the arrest of the two men that killed Ahmaud Abery, in addition to the man filming it, it is not enough.  The firing of Amy Cooper after her toxically racist phone call in regard to a black man just birdwatching is not enough.    

I for one am quite sick and tired of the lack of care we are given by police officers who’d rather shoot first then sort it out later, who rather brutalize us with extreme violence or would arrest us just for being black, or even make the mistake of executing a warrant on the wrong home and indiscriminate murder the occupants inside  I am sick and tired of Barbeque Becky’s, the Dog park Diane’s and the like who call the police because they feel “threatened” or they assume that we are doing something “illegal”.    The price for being black in most cases is either death or a severe amount of jail time.   Neither is a commendable fate. 

I am sick and tired of us as a people continuously taking the apologist way, thinking that if we march and protest, that our words will be heard, or if we continue to speak about it, somehow our white compatriots will understand our plight.  There are some white people that truly understand, but to continue to take a pacifistic stance toward our treatment is folly and will just result in more apologetic behavior with no real repercussions of the atrocities committed, and no real accountability to those who perpetrate these acts. 

And I am sick and tired of hearing the same damn phrase from the white folks who commit the act.  Pullin the “I’m not racist.” card.  You not eh?  That would be a lie based on the simple fact of being this:    You are racist if your intentions and actions are geared toward bringing harm on a black person or any person who’s skin tone is darker than yours.   So do me a favor and stop fuckin saying you not racist when your actions and intentions say otherwise.   And please don’t bring up the subject of black on black crime as some sorta valid ass argument, cause that is a completely different issue altogether that don’t got shit to do with the subject at hand.

Christians will ALWAYS say that we should turn the other cheek towards these injustices, and allow our so called justice system do it’s job. I have a good friend that is a Pastor ask some very important questions: Do we fight? Do we pray? Do we wait on Justice? Do we Protest? To we March?  I believe in a Higher Power and I believe that this Higher Power would want me to fight for what I believe is just and correct. To continue to fight until i am no longer physically able to.

The time for pacifism has long past. the only prayer I will pray is the strength and resolve to vanquish my enemies. There cannot be anymore marching. There cannot be any more protesting.

There can only be so many apologies we can take until there is a definitive action against those who still wish to bring harm to us via ill ass intent and fucked up actions.  Most people know what action I am talking of….the kind that does not involve talking….and that is to fight.

NO JUSTICE=NO PEACE!!!

The Avenue of Anger

The importance and process of understanding who I am carries vital importance and is a ever going and evolving process.  As I learn and understand more about myself, layers are slowly but surely peeled back, and eventually removed.  certain areas are exposed, and are worked on. life continues to roll forward.

But……..

There is one particular aspect of me that I have an extremely difficult time corralling.  The one aspect to me that has been more detriment than advantage, has caused immeasurable pain to those I love, and irreparable damage to myself.  Walk with me if you will…..

If I had to pinpoint a time to where my anger started, I would probably say it was after my mom and dad divorced.  I was in the Navy at the time and my aunt had told me that he had remarried.  this had drawn up very strong and negative feelings toward my father and my stepmother.  I felt some kinda way toward her because she stole my father from my mother, and felt extremely bad for my mother and I wanted to defend my mother at all cost.  So, that’s what I did.  to the detriment of my relationship with my father, and folks in my family looking at me like i was crazy.

Unfortunately, those feelings carried over into my military career as I was discharged for doing the one unthinkable thing that I could have controlled, but since I did not want to control it, it cost me  my Navy career (not that it takes me to fuck that up).  My issues and problems with anger put me in a lotta compromising and very dangerous positions.  Most of those positions resulted in serious harm to myself, and even More grievous harm to others.  I lost good friends and relationship because of my anger.  My anger literally put me in jail  and labelled me as an abuser.  I recent lost a couple of good jobs because i could not keep my cool.

Anger clouds judgement and causes irreparable harm to oneself…..physically, emotionally, and psychologically.  It damages the bonds of friendship, and literally pushes relationships past any logical breaking point.  These were hard lessons I had ti learn as I struggled to control my anger.  There were times where I thought I could not find my way because I was navigating my way through my ever shifting emotions.  Recent traumatic events also triggered a very bad anger episode.

These days, it has been a lot easier to manage, not fully control, but manage.  There are days where frustration mounts, making certain strong emotions extremely hard to suppress, but I have learned to keep those in check.  It is a process, and the more I learn and understand about me, the more I  am able to corral and contain those emotions.  It helps that I have a healthy outlet  for these emotions.  Giving me a positive way to properly handle them.  I can honestly say this…..the avenue of my anger is a constant road of hills, and valleys.  Some days are good, others, not so much…..that is just the road I travel on.